‘Kisi aur ka gussa, mujhpe mat nikalo‘ or ‘you need to vent out that anger on something‘ are commonly used expressions. Since childhood, I’ve believed that anger is stored in my mind, and I need to do something to empty this storage. No one ever told me the science behind it, but I believe this understanding exists because that’s how we talk about anger in most conversations.
Somehow, we subconsciously believe that anger needs a vent since it is unhealthy. We, however, don’t know how our mind works or how anger is best removed from our minds. Furthermore, our understanding of anger is limited by the expressions that have become popular in their contemporary language.
Even our most “private” thoughts derive from linguistic resources that aren’t our own – Dave Robinson, Introducing Political Philosophy.
Someone would argue that anger is sometimes necessary to do certain things, and I agree. Every emotion has its utility; the point is you should be able to use it constructively, and it shouldn’t have a negative impact on your life.
For every Rahul Dravid or Dhoni (people who never let their anger affect their work), there’s a Virat Kohli or Gautam Gambhir (who are not shy about expressing their anger). So what is the problem here, you’d ask? Why not use anger to assert your position? Get things done by your team? Deter someone from doing something or simply to improve your performance. But unfortunately, anger has a long-term negative impact on our health, which is a problem.
A report found that healthy people who are often angry or hostile are 19% more likely to get heart disease than calmer people. Among people with heart disease, those who usually feel angry or aggressive fared worse than others. WebMD
Let’s talk hypothetically for a minute. Obviously, if you are having some trouble at home or your boss decides to let it out on you. You could react immediately when angry or wait for him to return to sanity. To say that one shouldn’t get mad is unreasonable, but what we do when we are mad interests me.
What if I tell you that anger is like water and evaporates if you want it to. There is absolutely no need to express your anger to your boss or take some action to stop being angry, and you definitely don’t need a best friend to bitch about your boss.
Talking out an emotion doesn’t reduce it, it rehearses it.
Carol Tavris in her book Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion
Imagine you have a switch in your head and decide when you want to stop being angry. The power now lies with you to determine if you’ll let anger linger in your mind or remove it. No other action or channel is required because anger is a product of your mind, and you can destroy it if you believe you can. Imagine growing up with such an understanding of anger. Like expressions and anecdotes on anger have sort of limited what we think we can do about it, other limits have been set regarding other capabilities our mind has. Write a letter to your boss the next day telling him why you were not at fault and that you are not OK with being shouted at. With both of you in your senses, neither of you will react in a manner you will regret later.
Changing how you talk about life and everything in it will help you achieve mastery over your thoughts and make your lives more meaningful.
Mihir Narvilkar 